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Hulk Hogan And His Orangeglo Skin Want To Be The Next Billy Mays, Once He Gets Over His Oj Simpson Fantasy 27.Jul.2010

OK, I've got a few problems with this scenario. First and foremost, Hulk Hogan is not an effective spokesperson for anything except birth control. As in, "I'm a good example of one of those people who really shouldn't breed." Yeah, I know that was harsh, but Hogan really doesn't know best. Neither of his children are going anywhere in life, especially the jackass with the leadfoot. Totally f**ked up his friend's life but still has the audacity to show up at car shows. Tool.

One only has to look at the parents of the jackass to understand how he could have turned out that way. "Mother" Linda just announced she's marrying her now-21-year-old boytoy after two whirlwind years of grossing everybody else the f**k out with their frankly disturbing PDA. Her children went to school with this cheap little rent-a-cock; her ex-husband talks about doing her like OJ did Nicole when he sees the boytoy driving his Escalade around town. And now he wants to sell you a little something to clean your hands. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

Whether Hulk Hogan is plotting the demise of his ex-wife and her new big daddy or not, he's still gotta make a living, right? Right. You don't really think that little surfer boy is going to support his Metamucil Mama in the style to which she's accustomed, do you? Please. He probably can't even read or write. No, the Hulkster will probably still continue to support the whole clan. He's already reportedly got a new gig as spokesperson for PumMax, and says he wants to be the next Billy Mays. That's good - someone needs to knock that Slap Chop dude off his pedestal before he beats up another hooker or something.