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The Lohan Chronicles: Getting Your Boobs In The Wind Will Keep Your Mind Off Drugs. 20.Aug.2007

Maybe she's just biding her time. I hear that Mama Dina (aka Dime Bag) and her younger siblings were spotted at the airport this morning. Are they out of money already? Or is Dina bringing her beloved moneymaker a little contraband?

Is the guy behind Lindsay her new rehab boyfriend? Does she have any sensation left in those things? Are they never covered up? Either Lindsay's put on a few pounds or she had another boob job, because those things are bigger than her head.

Security at Cirque Lodge, where Lindsay is making her third attempt at sobriety, must be alot tighter than at Promises or Wonderland, because we haven't heard a peep about whippets, smuggled sleeping pills or libidinous pursuits with multiple partners. I doubt she'll show up for that August 24 court date, though, unless that's why Dina is coming to town with the young uns. I mean, why drag only one child through the mud when you can drag the others along, too? It will be good life training for Ali in particular.

And speaking of dysfunctional family members, where is Daddy Dearest in all of this? You know Michael wanted to make the trip west, too, but Dina probably wouldn't pay for his plane ticket. Michael may well have been devastated by this cruel turn of events. "How can she expect me to be a good father," he may have wailed, "if I have to go and work, too? "