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Prettyboring Exclusive: What Britney Did That Finally Drove Kevin Away 20.Nov.2007

Let's play NorbitEgads! No wonder he's been making her life a living hell since then. I guess we won't have to worry about Kevin fathering any more children any time soon. What once was berries is now jam.

The Spears-Federline saga drags on, with Britney hiring private detectives to dig up dirt on Kevin and being forced by the court to hire a driver for the days she's got the boys with her. That's the best decision the Commissioner has made yet; watching her make that left into oncoming traffic was unnerving.

In other chumpot news, Us Weekly has a feature on all the crazy in Britney's family tree, including an aunt who committed suicide at the grave of her deceased child and two uncles who lived on the street. All this plus the totally unsurprising revelation that she lost her virginity at 14; by the time she met Justin she was most likely a full-blown dirty little pig slut. She was probably his first real (non-blowup) woman, and probably scared him to death.