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Abandon Hope! Paris Says She Wants To Help Lindsay. That's Like Bp Helping Greenpeace 25.Jun.2010

They could play dress upOK, OK, maybe that was a little strong, but remember what she did for her buddy, Britney? The Wonkster took her out, got her trashed, and taught her how to expose herself for attention. Now Britney's living under virtual lock and key, and where's Paris now? Well, friendless, for the most part, unless you count losers like Brandon Davis or the F-list hangers-on she now has to mingle with.

But Paris longs for the days when she was a tabloid darling. She wants to find a way back to her glory days; what better way than at the expense of another, someone who's a bigger loser than she is? Just think of all the free leggings and spray tan she could get! Wonky loves swag. And like Dr. Drew, she loves drama. "Paris is worried that Lindsay has hit rock bottom and doesn't want something terrible to happen to her," a source revealed. Whew. At least she didn't say she was worried Lindsay was about to lose a limb or something.

Of course this would be a disaster for Lindsay. Don't forget it was Paris who started the whole "firecrotch" thing. And she is no saint - for every night the tabloids follow Lindsay around from club to club, Paris is out there, too, except nobody's watching her. She's free to indulge in whatever she wants, and trust, she does. She's just a lot better at keeping it under the radar. All the same, she's probably not the best mentor for the little crackhead that could.