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Holy Smokes! Somebody Left Gummi Bear In The Dryer Too Long - He Shrank Ten Sizes!! 03.Apr.2008

Reduced fat Gummi BearHe must have lost at least 1000 pounds! In only a few months! How much did this cost Grandma Barbara?

No matter how much weight he's lost, he's still got that sweaty, tweaky look to him. Something's up here, and as gossip detectives we have a responsibility, nay, duty to find out exactly what that is. Let's examine our clues:

1. Drastically shrunken waistline - he must have dropped at least an Olsen-and-a-half, if not a pair of Mileys.

2. Gummi and his brother, Greasy, have both been spotted this week sporting these innocuous-looking fedoras. Maybe there's a brain chip or mind control device implanted in their skulls, and they have to wear the hats to hide it until their hair grows back. Every time Gummi or Greasy reaches for an illicit substance they get zapped, wet their pants and have to go home.

3. Could Gummi have had gastric bypass surgery? They would have had to throw in a few square feet of lipo and tummy tuck, but hey, he's an oil heir. He can afford it.

All these clues are very informative, but I think I've figured it out: Gummi's wearing Grandma's Spanxx again. He loves the way they squish his fruit together.