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Two And A Half Plea Deals: Charlie Sheen Would Rather Do Time Than Keep His Nose (and Other Parts) Clean 07.May.2010

I'll be back, bitchesThat's right, sports fans. Charlie Sheen would rather grope the soap with a bunch of like-minded druggies and delinquents for a month or so instead of staying clean and keeping his dick in his pants. It's no wonder that Brooke is getting papers drawn up, "just in case" the marriage fails. Just in case? !? I thought this woman gave up the stem. She must be smoking better shit than the rest of us.

Ditto for Charlie, hence his reluctance to accept the Aspen DA's original plea deal, which called for zero jail time, but two years of probation. Charlie's peeps said no way, because they know there's ... well ... no way that Sheen can control his peen. Or his appetite for illicit stimulants. Two years is a long time for a compulsive philanderer and cokehead. Hell, two weeks might be too long, left to his own devices.

So Charlie's team is negotiating with the DA for a quick deal: Charlie wants to do ten days in jail and be done with the whole thing. The DA is pushing for at least 30, so he'll probably be out in two weeks and up to his ears in hookers and disco dust in no time. He knows it, his peeps know it, even his ex Denise knows it. She went to court last week for full custody of Sam and Lola, his daughters from their marriage, and Charlie just rolled over. Odd, isn't it, after the way they fought over everything in their divorce? Sounds to me like a man who's got bigger fish to fry. Or smoke, as the case may be.