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Why On Earth Would Anyone Want To Watch Gwyneth Do Phone Sex? No Wonder Joaquin Quit The Biz 21.Jan.2009

I'm sorry. Whenever I look at Gwyneth all I can see is GOOP. I read about this, and all I could think was, oh, yuck! She's got her hands all up in the GOOP!

Everybody's making a big deal about Gwyneth baring a breast and simulating self-gratification for her new movie. You know, the one that made Joaquin throw in the towel, gain 40 pounds and grow a forest on his face. We all wondered what could have happened to him to make him turn his back on his successful career. Was it stress, drugs, vagina envy? Nope, it was GOOP.

It's such a shame that this fine actor, who was so good in movies like Gladiator and Walk the Line, has abandoned his beloved craft, suddenly and without warning. I don't know what kind of a rapper he is, or how good he is, but he did fall off the stage last weekend. That can't be a good sign.