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Lindsay Lohan, Druggie Girl: Snort Once For Yes, Twice For No If You're Afraid Of Paris Hilton 08.May.2010

Valtrex and the SkeezeOh, that Wonky. She's the original Mean Girl. She took Britney out on the town with her sloppy cans and shriveled growler hanging out for the world to see and then called her "the animal". She and Lindsay used to be party buddies - until the Blohan chronicles began. Now she'll still party with her when the cameras aren't around, but when the in crowd is around, or better company (read: her dealer) shows up, Paris wastes no time throwing her "friend" to the wolves.

Make no mistake, Lindsay's life is completely out of control, but Paris is a soup sandwich lately, too. She's out in the clubs every night, too, but since she dumped her famewhore boyfriend Doug Reinhardt she's been getting shitfaced regularly. She's just a lot smarter than Lindsay and keeps her debauchery below the radar. Worse yet, she'll go to the same club or party as Lindsay and trash her while she's in the other room getting just as wasted. On a recent night things got so bad that Lindsay ran off into the bathroom and locked herself in. Not to be deterred, Paris camped outside the door and continued her bullying. She and her dealer friend pounded on the door, asking Lindsay if she was OK, telling her to "snort once for yes, twice for no."

Bear in mind that these are two "grown" women - Paris is almost 30, and Lindsay is only 23 going on 38. Of course we're talking Hollywood here, so the normal social boundaries and standards don't apply, but still. If Lindsay wasn't such a piece of shit I'd almost feel sorry for her. Almost.