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The Lohan Chronicles: What I Did Last Summer. Does This T-shirt Make Me Look Fat? 30.Jul.2007

Will cry for cokeIf Lindsay could write for PrettyBoring (and if she could spell), she might say this about living La Vida Lohan the last few months:

- I've gotten more tail than Nicole, Britney and Paris - combined.

- I stayed skinny but that other girl stayed fat. Y'all. Does she like not realize like that I'm like from New York like? Like I don't even like eat fried chicken. Like moo.

- I found some great ways to mix and match drugs that even Mom didn't know.

- I found out that I don't really have any true friends. They only want a free ride. Can you believe that I had to resort to selling pictures to get my drug on?

- I made a movie that is so bad it might finish off what's left of my career. It's so unfair - I barely remember any of that whole shoot. It's all a blur now.

- I made a horrible mistake when I chose to get drunk, commandeer a vehicle, careen wildly through the streets of Santa Monica and then try to blame it on the black kid. Next time I'll blame the white kid with the weird name. If I make the same face as the one in my picture there, they might feel sorry for me. Suckers. Where's that mirror?