And I want a pony and a puppy and a Sno Cone machine and ...Why? Because it's the strongest chair in town. Seriously, there really isn't a furious battle over the remaining judge's slot on American Idol; I think the show is just past its prime. And it's just not the same without the wacky chemistry of the original panel. (In other words, it's just not fun to watch anymore now that the Bride of Vicodin has left the building.)
Jennifer Lopez seemed to be a shoo-in for a spot on the show, and should have been grateful given the poor performance of practically everything she touches, except for maybe Skeletor's ... oh, never mind, you dirty Gerties. Instead, Jennifer hit the producers with a laundry list of what she wanted in return for her exalted presence that became so over-the-top ridiculous they just said, "F**k it. Let's call Shania Twain." Why Shania? She did a guest gig as a mentor previously, and the producers are said to have been pursuing her ever since. She certainly fits the requirements: She's got industry experience, both as a recording artist and former wife of legendary producer Mutt Lange. She's a pretty woman, and she's very personable. She also seems like she's much more in touch with reality. I still think Jessica Simpson would be the perfect Idol judge. Damn you, Papa Joe.