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Speidi Nuptials: Here Comes The Bride, Her Facial All In White 27.Apr.2009

Bridal BukkakeMan, she looks pretty wasted here, doesn't she? She had to be pretty wiped, letting Spencer take a bukkake shot for the wedding album. Such class. Such tact.

So, allegedly these two wet ends got married - for real - this weekend. Yeah, right. And Chuck Norris officiated. News flash for the gullible few that still think this shit is real: There is no wedding license on file. Ergo the marriage, like Heidi's nose, lips and boobs, is phony baloney.

I hear their wedding was a real clunker, too. There was free wine and beer, but if you wanted something stronger you paid $10 a drink. There was also no real food, just a couple of crappy appetizers, and the tool and his fool showed up for the reception two hours late. Don't feel bad if you didn't get your invite; I'm sure it'll be a major plot twist on an upcoming episode of The Hills. Not that I'll be watching. I'd rather be sandblasted and soaked in brine.