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Poor Baby Jesus. Granny Gristle Has Ruined Him For Boys His Own Age 28.Apr.2009

Can I sit at the grownup table this time? They're just jealous of his perky little nipples. No, really. Look at them - I think they're stuck like that.

Madge has been good for boy toy Luz. He's living in the lap of luxury. He's got his very own nanny. And his sugar mama is hooking him up with some great jobs walking the runway for fashion. He's making more money than he'd probably see in his entire lifetime were it not for Madonna, and predictably it's going straight to his head. Today's Gatecrasher says "He has a big, swollen head," and they weren't talking about his little moneymaker.

Not surprisingly, this has caused a great deal of unrest among other pretty little boys who feel they've worked harder for a much longer time, only to see someone's pet cock beat them out for the choicest gigs. The backstage scene has become a bit tense, with the other models snickering about how his career will be over before the wet spot gets cold. Jesus isn't worried, though. I'm sure he's been taking notes for the tell-all he's going to write when she finally gets bored with Brazilian.