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Old, Failed Or Scaled, Holly Madison Will Sleep With Anything 06.May.2009

That's an ewww sandwichFirst it was Hef. Yeah, he's cool and pretty hip for an 80-something year-old horn dog, but he's still just a dirty old man. But I guess if you're into that old liver spots - Viagra - sponge bath at 2:00 thing ... whatever keeps a roof over your head and your name in the tabloids. Priorities, people.

Then Holly got hot for younger meat, and "tearfully" (sob) left Hef for Criss Angel, the slimy little douche nozzle that left his wife for the likes of the sea creature and a lost little girl in a wig. He said he was going to be a big star with his $100 million Vegas show but it turned out to be unwatchable and now he's a nobody again. Holly was smart enough to bail when the ship began listing, and we all nodded our heads in understanding. Poor girl probably just needed to get laid.

But what's her excuse for her latest piece? Russell Brand? He's even nastier than douchey Angel. Supposedly in Britain he's a great ladies man and women are falling at his feet. Why? !? He looks like a donkey's ass that hasn't washed in a couple months. He's a pervy, disrespectful little buffoon with no redeeming qualities. Huh. I guess he's perfect for her.

Holly's not the brightest fork in the drawer, and now that she's been cut loose from the bunny ranch she's showing her true colors. If you take away that bleached blond hair, the spray tan and the giant funbags she's a crone. She has no job skills. She can't sing, act or dance. If she has any sense she'll go back to Hef; I hear he misses her. Nobody can rock his prostate like Holly.