What do you mean I have to pay my own cab fare home? Ah, but what is she eligible for, exactly? And why? How is it that this one-trick pony, this lanky, square-jawed woman who has been milking her one success with one hand while milking the public's pity with the other, can seriously be considered eligible for anything but frequent flier miles?
Us Weekly is reporting that the Great American Spinster was voted in a recent poll as being the most eligible single woman in the world. That's great. She should have men of quality lining up at her doorstep ... but wait! The doorstep's empty. Hell, it's full of cobwebs. And that's fine with the spinster. She's got more money than she could ever spend, beautiful houses to live in, the finest things in life at her fingertips ... and an endless procession of f**kbuddies. Despite all her statements to the contrary, I doubt Jen really wants another husband or a bunch of kids all up in her shit, interfering with her exquisitely self-centered existence.
Maybe that's why Jen always seems to aim low, hooking up with assholes who treat her like a rented blow-up doll. It can't be an accident that she keeps ending up with guys who string her along for a while and then dump her, yet that's exactly what seems to be happening over and over again. No matter what she says in interviews, regardless of how her peeps spin it, Jennifer Aniston is absolutely, positively unlucky in love.