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David Hasselhoff Attempts To Preserve Himself For All Eternity With Vodka, Wins Yet Another Trip To Rehab 15.Dec.2007

Will work for vodka: Or scotch. Or paint thinner.How many times has it been now, 23? 24? Perhaps I exaggerate a bit; it's four times in the last two months. Good ol' Hoff seems more determined than ever to drink more than a trailer full of tweaked-out rednecks. His peeps have been doing their best to keep it out of the media, but when someone goes on a death wish binge, it can't help but make the news.

According to The National Enquirer, the Hoff has been admitted to rehab yet again on December 5, after being rushed to the hospital twice in a week. Apparently guzzling down a gallon of vodka a night can do that to a person. His blood alcohol level was supposedly .50, a sickeningly high number - in most states just .08 will send you to jail. On December 3, a semi-coherent Hoff was brought to the Cedars-Sinai emergency room. He had pissed himself and his pants were soaking wet; two days later he re-admitted himself for treatment.

The biggest victims in this sorry mess are David's teenage daughters, of whom he was awarded full custody earlier this year. They are said to be devastated by this latest setback. It's not like they can go back to their mother's - from all accounts she's an even bigger mess than David. And you thought kids becoming orphans to drugs and alcohol only happened in the ghetto.