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No, That's Not Miley Cyrus. It's Avril Lavigne, And She Wants You To Look At Her Boobs, Coke Bloat 27.May.2009

They DO make me float!Oh, wait. Avril says she doesn't do drugs; she just drinks like a sailor on shore leave. It's the only thing she's got going on in her life these days - her last album and tour were a resounding flop, and it's not like married life is working real well for her. On those occasions she is seen out on the town she drinks herself into a stupor. The last time she let her little cupboard troll husband out with her, he got so disgusted with her ossification that he left her in the bar and went home. She didn't even have to beat him with a chair - he climbed back under the stairs all by himself.

I guess it must be tough, though, to go from moderate success to totally irrelevant in just a few years. Avril and Deryk must have such a happy home life, just puttering around the house blaming each other for their loser lives. Avril at least had a slim chance to do some modeling a while back - she does clean up pretty well - but what will become of Deryk now that Sum 41 has been 86'd? He's too short to be a doorman or parking valet but maybe he can get some seasonal work at Santa's workshop.

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