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Breasts In Distress, Part I: Mimi Flaunts Some Bingo Hall Sideboob 12.Nov.2008

What's that hiding under your arm? Didn't anyone warn her about Spanx displacement? If you wedge that hefty lower half into industrial strength neoprene the upper half will overflow wherever it can. The result is not pretty.

Jennifer Lopez learned that lesson when she tried to wear a dress like this while touring Italy. The tabloids ripped her apart. (The British tabloids, in particular, have this weird obsession with flabby celebrities.) She hasn't appeared in a halter dress since.

But Mimi, well, she's just different. She must have one of those funhouse mirrors in her house, because she always dresses like a size-2 teeny bopper. Memo to Mimi: You are not a petite anything, and you need to dress like a grown woman.

Nick may have tried to warn her, but she gave him that look and he knows he has to pick his battles: the longer they stay together the bigger his settlement will be. Besides, maybe if she sees the pictures she'll start buying clothes in normal sizes, and he can give that jaws of life thing back to the fire department guys. Either that or he'll be sleeping in the servants' quarters again.

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