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John Stamos: Sexual Predator Or Victim Of Extortion? Kimmy Gibler Had Nothing To Do With It 13.Jul.2010

But he's got a weird bellybuttonAt least, I don't think so. I mean, she is like a fictional character and everything, right? Still. We're talking John Stamos, who has been a hottie forever, but most especially and most memorably (at least for me) as Uncle Jesse on Full House. Uncle Jesse would never do the things John Stamos is being accused of, but like Kimmy he's hopelessly irrelevant. Because he ain't real.

But the charges against two ambitious nitwits in Florida are very real, federal offenses, even. This lamebrained couple tried to extort $680,000 from John by claiming to have pictures of him blowing rails and cavorting with a 17-year-old girl. Prosecutors say the pictures don't exist, but the lamebrains still insist he did coke with and supplied alcohol to this girl, and that they continued a "flirty" relationship for some time. The accusations are rather graphic (she says he became violent when she refused to let him orally gratify her), but that doesn't make them real. Or does it?

This alleged encounter supposedly happened in 2004. So why didn't she report it, tell her parents, something? Why wait all this time to cash in? Oh, I dunno. Ask Rachel Uchitel or the Nazi tattoo chick that was banging Jesse James. They'll tell you they told their story because they felt bad about what they did, but they're full of shit. And maybe this girl is, too. The prosecutor in the case sure thinks so, and I tend to agree.