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Run, Anonymous, Run! The Scientologists Are Coming, And They Know Who You Are 18.Mar.2008

You know that people who oppose the Church of Xenu tend to die sudden, inexplicable deaths. The group Anonymous has had better luck than most, disabling the cult-church's websites, jamming their phone and fax lines with nastygrams, even picketing outside their headquarters in Clearwater, Florida. It was only a matter of time before Xenu snapped.

When efforts to get a restraining order against Anonymous failed, the church decided to fight fire with fire, posting a video called "Anonymous Facts" that describes the series of attacks on the church by Anonymous. Scientology makes Anonymous sound pretty sinister, but we all know they're master brainwashers; to listen to them is to fall under their power and be doomed to drink barley milk forever more.

The Church claims to know the identities of Anonymous, and even named three men. That's all right, though. They're safer this way. The minute they go back to "normal life" they're going to be found hanging in a shower stall somewhere.