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Jessica Simpson Stood Up Again. This Time Daisy Won't Unlock The Door. 24.Sep.2007

A good maltepoo like Daisy needs her beauty sleep, you know. She simply cannot abide all the disruption of Jessica stumbling in and out her window. She even flipped the latch on the doggy door to make sure her rest wasn't disturbed.

Stupid dog. It's back to Alpo for you.

Poor Jess. She tried getting fixed up with her friends' friends. She tried online dating. She even let her pimp, I mean, father, try to find dates for her. It never gets past the first date; they're simply never heard from again.

Perhaps it's her barely-masked desperation and utter loneliness. Perhaps it's the fact that she just looks like a tranny most days. Or maybe it's that creepy, lecherous dad hanging around, offering to take pictures of her and her dates in various stages of undress. ("I'll cut you a piece of the backend," Pimpa Joe promises. Jess knows all about that deal.)

Jess is said to be recording a country music album next, because as a native Texan, she's country through and through, y'all. Maybe she should head back home to rope herself a steer before she's past her prime.