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Two Horses Walked Into A Bar. One Was Selling Perfume, The Other Pretends To Be English. 09.Aug.2007

Clippety-clop, down the laneExhibit # 1: We all know Sarah Jessica Parker, the equine member of the Sex and the City cast. Did you know all the police horses in Manhattan leave a special present on her doorstep every day? The neighbors are less than pleased, but her garden sure is thriving. SJP is running a special to promote her newest fragrance, entitled Covet: Buy a bottle, get a bag of oats free. Easy, there, little filly.

You forgot my carrotExhibit # 2: WTF is that? Can you believe this is Fishsticks Gwyneth (Gwynnie rhymes with whinny, you know) Paltrow, who was never this brown in her life. With those eyebrows she looks like one of Al Capone's henchmen. What's really odd is that it looks like she has silver spoons for ears, and I could swear there's an outie instead of an innie in those pajama pants. For the love of God, woman. Button your shirt! With a body like that she could march in the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade with the rest of the transvestites.

Our apologies to horse fans everywhere.