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$45 Million For Ryan Seacrest? Are They Paying By The Inch? Brangelina Still Won't Give Him Time Of Day 13.Jul.2009

Hmmm. That must be his decoratorWow. Thank goodness he's such a midget. Otherwise they'd never be able to afford him.

Hollywood's hardest working (and least scrupled) mogul has struck gold with his new American Idol contract. All that sexual tension between Simon and him will be a sure ratings grabber, too. Gee, last season he tried to give a high-five to a blind guy. Maybe this year he can push him in front of a bus or something.

If all that doesn't curdle your stomach, Ryan won't have to give anything up to pad his pockets - he'll still get to do all his E! projects and his radio show. Rumor has it he's going to totally re-do his closet. You know, so he never has to fully come out.