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Breaking News: Robert Pattinson Throws Himself From Tall Curb To Avoid Pesky Fans, Pregnancy Rumors 10.Jul.2009

Take me away from all this death!Don't get me wrong. They don't think Pattinson's pregnant; they think he knocked up Kristen Stewart because she showed off her beer belly on set. I doubt she's pregnant - I think she's just a bloated pothead, but that's just my opinion.

But even if it's not true, the little scruffy bloodsucker has been positively miserable while filming a new movie in New York City. Apparently he's been a virtual prisoner of fame, forced to lock himself in to avoid swarms of screaming fans. He should be flattered. If not for Twilight nobody would even spare a second glance at him. Those brushed-on abs aren't fooling anyone over 17.

Thankfully, perhaps because I am a bit over 17, I seem to be immune to the powers of Edward Cullen. I'm of a different generation; even Gary Oldman made a better vampire than this wisp of a thing. My personal favorite has always been Christopher Lee. He was bad-ass, yet romantic and even paternal at times. There's nothing bad-ass or nurturing about Pattinson - he seems too needy, too desperate for attention. I guess it just goes to show: Be careful what you wish for.

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