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Somebody Please Give Tara Reid A Job. She Needs An Ass Lift. Stat. 27.Oct.2008

Which way to the tiki bar? Maybe she could only afford to get the front done. Maybe she's one of those girls who only cares what she looks like from the front - Paris Hilton is like that; she's got the biggest ass flaps I've ever seen. Poor Tara doesn't have ass flaps. They're more like empty wrappers. Maybe once she had a rounder ass, but it's headed for her heels.

Tara has been enjoying a career resurgence of sorts. She's getting a lot of work - in Australia - hosting parties at a greatly reduced rate than what she used to command. Still, it keeps her in cocktails and peroxide, so she ain't complainin'.

Tara and her mutilated breasticles are even said to be in love. Sources say she's madly in love and even engaged to French fashion executive Julien Jarmoune. How could that be? Has he not seen the tabloids? Has he not seen what she's like when she's drunk? Maybe she has that Jerry Lewis effect on him.