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The Romo Lays Down The Law: Sober Up, Jess, Or You'll Never Be My Mrs. 23.Apr.2009

What do you mean, I've had enough? You can't hardly blame him, if the binge-drinking stories are all true. She certainly has some of the physical symptoms of a sloppy drunk: the bloating, the orange muumuu dress, the way she couldn't be bothered to learn the lyrics to her songs at the local bingo hall and all. How far we've come.

It was only a few years ago that Jessica was A-list all the way. Then there was the divorce and at least one disastrous relationship, and the golden girl was golden no more. Although she's still making gobs of money with all her licensing and merchandise deals she isn't where she thought she'd be. Her acting career didn't happen and her music career just evaporated.

So maybe Jess has been hittin' the sauce a bit too much. When she and Tony started going out, though, the story was that he was the bad influence on her with his "frat boy" ways. That rascal. Since then she's been photographed totally shitfaced more times than I can count, and I can see where that would get tiresome. If she's serious and really wants to settle down with Tony she needs to grow up already. Just the fact that he's still around after all the tabloid drama makes me think he's not such a bad catch. Or they've taken over his brain and he's just a robot now. Could go either way.

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