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Oh, Those Stupid Crazy Lohans. If Her Parents Would Only Stfu Lindsay Might Have A Chance To Get Well 14.Oct.2010

That's Michael on the rightSomebody really needs to womp Michael Lohan with a giant rubber mallet. He's such a malicious piece of shit. If he's not out slobbering all over a girl half his age who eerily resembles his famous daughter he's getting locked up for beating said younger girl or he's taking pictures of her topless while she's sleeping so he can sell them when she comes to her senses and dips. And that's before breakfast. For lunch he likes to slander and humiliate his family. God knows what he eats for dinner - probably puppies and kittens ripped from their mothers' wombs.

Since Lindsay went into Betty Ford her father has been holding little impromptu press conferences almost daily, saying he will get in to see her, that no one can keep him away. The asshole even said today that he'd even become a drunk again so he could be rehabbed with her if that's what it takes. Yeah, like you need an excuse to go off the rails, you psycho slug. Wait. I take that back. He's not the slug; he's the slime trail it leaves behind. Oh, and amidst all that he still claims to be working on his conservatorship gig, so he can wrest control of his little moneymaker from her wretched mother once and for all. Yeah. Riiight. No regular job. Behind on child support. Convicted violent felon. That'll happen.

And while Daddy Dickest squawks and blats all over town, what's Mama doing? Why, she's doing what she does best: Trying to find a way to make a buck on her daughter's latest situation. Word is she's actually shopping a reality show about Lindsay's recovery. Um, hey, no. That will never happen. Betty Ford is NOT Dr. Drew. Well, actually, Betty Ford's dead, but the place named after her is at the top of its field, one of the best treatment centers out there. There's no way in hell they're going to let a bleached out, strung out, bizarrely orange-tinted hag in there with a camera crew to disrupt their patients. In no time at all she'd be handing out her little "pick-me-ups" and it'd be like Attica. Or home, if you happen to be a Lohan. How's a girl supposed to get well and stay clean with all that crazy in the air? She should change her name and run like hell.