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Shia Labeouf: Ten Pounds Of Douche In A Five-pound Bag 23.Jan.2009

What's really in that can, little boy? OK. He got popped for DUI and mangled his hand. His passenger and co-star was also injured. This after being arrested for pitching a bitch in a Chicago Walgreen's. I think it's safe to say homey can't hold his liquor and should stick to the light stuff like Twisted Tea or Pink Squirrels. He's a relatively new star and perhaps doesn't know how to handle the shame he feels for not being able to bark with the big dogs.

Note to Shia: This is not how to keep a low profile and ride out the publicity. If the paper bag over the head wasn't bad enough, he's got a black plastic bag over his boo-boo hand. Oh, gee, no one will recognize him now. What a clever disguise!

Shia the douche (couldn't resist) has a lot of time on his hands these days. His self-inflicted hand injury has caused costly delays on the next Transformers movie, although at least one of his co-stars wishes he would just be a man about it and suck it up. He doesn't strike me as that type, though; he looks more like a "kiss my boo-boo, mommy, it hurts" kinda guy. Maybe that's why he had that tantrum in the drug store - they wouldn't give him a BandAid.