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The Bong, The Mullet And The Errant Mother: The Collapse Of The Cyrus Family Dynasty 13.Dec.2010

Hannah Montana On HookahSomebody call Dr. Phil. Everybody's acting out in the Cyrus household: Papa went and pulled that nasty old mullet out of the crawlspace. Mama's on the down-low, shagging hairy rockers and doing her best to pit Miley against her papa, thus cutting him out of the gravytrain. Miley's gone from Coronas in Spain to bong hits of salvia, one of those quasi-legal herbal hallucinogenics you can buy online. Girl was tripping her face off. And all Papa can say is he's sad?

I think there's more here than meets the eye. Something huge has blown this family apart, and I find it hard to believe it was all over Tish's alleged transgressions with Bret Michaels. There are at least two sides to every story, and in this case probably more. Whatever it is, Miley and her father aren't taking it very well. It probably doesn't help that anyone who's interviewed about Miley says that she's becoming another Lindsay Lohan (expect a nastygram from White Oprah in 3, 2, 1 ...). She is, though, in both behavior and dress.

OK, and through all these mullets, naked sexting and bong-hitting, where the hell is Mama Cyrus? Like the aforementioned mother of Blohan, she always manages to make herself scarce when the shit hits the fan. She's looking pretty Lohan herself lately, what with the bleached extensions, revealing clothes and hot tattoos. Hardly the suburban housewife, Tish looks like she's ready to strap on her spurs and ride. Don't wait up for that one. By the time she comes up for air, Papa will probably be Billy Idol-blond and Miley will either have a sex tape or be in rehab.