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Heartbroken Norman Throws Himself Into Traffic When Jen Won't Curb Her Affections For Mayer 19.Jan.2009

I hate you, hate you, hate you ...It's just not fair. When she was burning dolls on the beach Norman was there for her. He put with all those rented boyfriends she dragged around for the SmartWater. He even tolerated a stretch at the doggie hotel when she ditched him to promote the dog movie with that Mayer dude. That made no sense to Norman - he should have been on her arm, not that interloper. He always smells like cat and he never wipes his feet. Ever.

Ever since Daisy told him about this guy, Norman's been doing his best to keep his mommy away from him. Most dog owners listen when their dogs don't like someone - but not his mommy. Norman just doesn't understand the hold this guy's got over her. He just knows he needs to make a drastic move.

Last night Norman made his move, busting out and hurling himself into the path of oncoming cars. He thought if he got hurt in the street his mommy would never forgive herself for being so distracted, and Norman would get her all to himself again. That he would also probably get flattened never crossed his mind.

Luckily for Norman and his mommy the paps were staking out the house, as usual, and when they saw the little dog bolt into the street they managed to capture him and return him to safety. There's no word whether Aniston was home, and in typical fashion there have been no expressions of gratitude toward the saviors of her beloved pet. But that's what entitlement is all about.