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Lauren Conrad Buys Flowers For Herself To Make It Look Like Someone Cares 07.Mar.2009

I don't know what I'll do with myselfDeep inside she knows the truth: Nobody gives a rat's ass what she does, where she goes, who she does. Nobody.

Madame Beef Curtains has made a big show of being stoic over the fifth season being her last on The Hills. She says she's been leading a double life all this time and it's creating too much confusion in her simple mind. This is a girl, after all, who gets salt and sugar confused. You know, because they're both like white. If ketchup and mustard were the same color she'd be totally f**ked.

Lauren should take a page from the notebook of Mischa Barton. It doesn't matter how important you think you are. It must be hard to go on with your life when you peak before you're 25. She's got a long life of anonymity in front of her. Unless, of course, she puts those curtains to work. I bet Vivid would love to get their hands on those, and they wouldn't have to pay for diapers or health insurance times eight, either.