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Britney Spears, Shape Changer: In Like An Air Sick Bag, Out Like An Angel. How Does She Do It? 28.Sep.2007

BeforeIt's just amazing. One minute you're looking at what looks like a curdled lump of yogurt tricked out as a pirate hooker, and suddenly ... SHAZAM! You're engulfed in a cloud of smoke that somehow reminds you of Richard Pryor (for the younger set, think glass pipe). When the air clears, this vision that kinda looks like Britney but not really appears.

The face is Britney's, yes. But that's where it ends. From the neck down is a stranger. That body is not Britney's. Britney was never built like that. The girl that long, sleek torso belongs to is a good four to six inches taller than her. The proportions are all wrong. After But don't worry - it's not voodoo, or that drink that didn't quite taste right. It's just the Photoshop Fairy waving her wand over Britney's image and vaporizing the 15 pounds of Cheetos adorning her waistline. It's not real, and when you wake up in the morning, you won't remember a thing. The ad is for Britney's new fragrance, Believe. That actually fits: If you believe you're still a size 4 when you're now a 14, and you believe you can defy court orders and not lose custody, and you believe no one knows what's really going on with your two new roommates, then I guess you can believe anything. Pass me a marguerita. E always make me so thirsty.