Desperate cry for helpStar Magazine and In Touch both claim that TomKat is over, that Katie has asked for a trial separation, and that Tom swears that she'll never take Suri away from him. Well, duh. Isn't that part of their marriage contract? She gets like $3 million a year in allowance, plus unlimited shopping trips, all for being a good little wifey to the little Emperor. It was easy in the beginning, but the stress of maintaining a show marriage is starting to tell, turning Katie into an emaciated zombie standing quietly in the corner with all the expression of a fried turnip.
Suri knows there's trouble brewing. She's tried to break her mother out of her shackles but she's just a baby, for cryin' out loud! There's only so much she can do before she needs a diaper change. She hasn't mastered the microwave yet, so she needs a little help with meal preparation, too. All things considered, she's not quite ready to take on the world. In a few years, though, all bets are off. She's even thinking of calling that redheaded woman with the big forehead; she knows this lady hates her daddy, and she might be willing to help. If all else fails, there's always the YouTubes. Suri has seen a lot of church doings in her two years on this earth. If she can avoid being re-programmed, she plans to liberate all the prisoners of Xenu. Then maybe Mommy will laugh again, the way she used to. Suri misses that.