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While Decorating Patio For Suri's Birthday, Katie Lets Her Real Feelings Show. Will She Lose Suri If She Flees Tom? 20.Apr.2008

Desperate cry for helpStar Magazine and In Touch both claim that TomKat is over, that Katie has asked for a trial separation, and that Tom swears that she'll never take Suri away from him. Well, duh. Isn't that part of their marriage contract? She gets like $3 million a year in allowance, plus unlimited shopping trips, all for being a good little wifey to the little Emperor. It was easy in the beginning, but the stress of maintaining a show marriage is starting to tell, turning Katie into an emaciated zombie standing quietly in the corner with all the expression of a fried turnip.

Suri knows there's trouble brewing. She's tried to break her mother out of her shackles but she's just a baby, for cryin' out loud! There's only so much she can do before she needs a diaper change. She hasn't mastered the microwave yet, so she needs a little help with meal preparation, too. All things considered, she's not quite ready to take on the world. In a few years, though, all bets are off. She's even thinking of calling that redheaded woman with the big forehead; she knows this lady hates her daddy, and she might be willing to help. If all else fails, there's always the YouTubes. Suri has seen a lot of church doings in her two years on this earth. If she can avoid being re-programmed, she plans to liberate all the prisoners of Xenu. Then maybe Mommy will laugh again, the way she used to. Suri misses that.