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Avril Demands Boob Massage In Public Park. Disoriented Wildlife Flees Plume Area 17.Apr.2008

They're so cold. Why are they so cold? It wasn't so much the fumes coming from the dark place behind her legs that drove away all the wildlife. It was the nasal screeching sound she made in time with Deryck's circular motions. What started out as an innocent picnic lunch destroyed an entire ecosystem. The birds have flown. The squirrels all threw themselves in front of vehicles on the interstate.

If I were a body language expert I'd say there are some issues in this relationship. He's trying to initiate a little afternoon delight, but he's deathly afraid of her so she can't be looking at him or he just sits there and flinches. His face is all squinty like that because he hasn't been out from under the stairs in at least three months. One wrong move, one careless word ... and POW! Back in the cupboard he goes.

With all the celebrity baby making going on, what's up with these two? They've been together a while; is it just too soon? Or are they just too toxic? Think about it: Deryck is only 28, but looks 20 years older, especially in direct sunlight. Avril is only 23 but could pass for 45, 46 in the right lighting. Looks like these kids should slow down a little bit.