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Britney Spears, Colombian Railbed: Beating The System, One Line At A Time 01.Nov.2007

You can have 'emLet's face it. Kevin did Britney a favor when he took custody of their sons. Increased child support payments are a small price to pay for her perceived freedom. When the judge told her she needed to take the boys to more child-centered places she was dumbfounded. "Does the drive-thru at McDonald's count? " She may have asked.

Now that both sides are gearing up for another hearing later this month the sleazebags are lining up (no pun intended) for more potshots at America's No. 1 tub o' guts. Today's Starpulse brings us the events of October 19, two days after losing her sons, when Britney had a houseful of strangers over for a vodka-fueled, Jacuzzi-soaked blow-out (another pun!). One of the invitees, Scott Kohler, shared his account of the evening's sordid events. When one of his buddies said he wanted to snort cocaine off Britney's sagging bosom, she happily complied, but only after insisting he save the fattest rails for her. It was then that Britney was hit with the inspiration for her most famous soundbite, "Eat it, lick it, snort it, f**k it," as she struggled to drag the downward facing mammary up to her face.

Stay tuned next week as Kevin's lawyers dig up a couple of homeless hillbillies to testify that they gave Britney a couple of tabs of Ecstasy in exchange for a pole dance and sex romp in Britney's garage. Hey, it could happen, people.