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What Have "they" Done With Suri? Katie Is Out Of Her Mind With Worry, In Danger Of Being Phased Out 26.Mar.2008

Don't worry, Mommy. I'll save you.Did they take Suri away as punishment for making fun of her teeny little husband? Does she jump and down on the couch, mimicking him whenever he comes home from his mysterious "time away" from his family?

Star Magazine doesn't come right out and say it, because they're afraid to face the wrath of he who rhymes with "menu". I was worried myself until I read about the Anonymous "cure" for Scientological warfare: Rickroll 'em. It's a double-edged sword, though, because now I can't get that song out of my head either. Oh, well. It's better than that Delilah song. Shit. Now that's stuck in my head, too.

Katie has bigger worries than Rick Astley these days. Star says the strain of being married to the little emperor is starting to take its toll on Katie, and she's said to be pale, emaciated, even unsteady on her feet. Did her brainwashing wear off? Did she read Andrew Morton's book? And seriously, where the hell is Suri? Her mom is in distress, and she's the only one who can save her. Does Tom keep her in a storage locker with his other robot kids?