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Paris Hilton Shows Us All The One Thing They Always Come Back For 12.Sep.2007

No, it's not the Valtrex coupons or the complimentary blacklight video. It's certainly not her surprisingly witty repartee; they've all had a taste of the rough side of her tongue. No, the answer is clutched in the palm of her sweaty, manly-large hand: But I have no one to talk to Paris looks absolutely trashed in this picture. I hope she's just really sleepy and not trying to out-Lohan Lohan. They'll probably send her to San Quentin for five years this time. I'm sure Nicole will send postcards and cookies.

Paris is having trouble making or keeping friends lately. Nicole is sitting home swelling, she and Britney can't even look at each other, Kim Kardashian is D-List and sinking fast ... even attention monger Mischa has rebuffed her attempts at reconciliation. She has no one to blame but herself, though. She might do well to remember that trash-talking her friends is a great way to get rid of them. Warts, lesions and all, though, Paris has outlasted the bunch of them - talk about last man standing - she can wear his shoes, too. Now she says she's getting her body ready to have babies. God help us all.