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Gwyneth Paltrow, Cockblocker: Madge's Friends Keep A-rod Pure While Mama Bird Feathers Her Nest 17.Nov.2008

Shades of Mothra!Oh. My. God. That look. I bet a flock of birds fell from the sky while a thousand kittens hurled themselves into traffic. Madame obviously thinks the whole thing is beneath her, and Madame is not amused.

Gwyneth, in particular, was anxious to get back on Madge's good side after blabbing too much to the press about her friend's mangled marriage. So she was more than happy to mingle with the less-than-A-list in Miami for a club opening, just to keep an eye on her buddy's new sex toy.

It's a good thing she did. There was no shortage of half-naked, liquored-up young chippies stepping up to the plate for a shot at the overpaid, underachieving disappointment to Yankee fans everywhere. (Ah, my opinion gets the best of me ... the hot dog vendors did more for pinstripe fans this year.) Just as quick as they stepped up, however, they were batted aside by the macrobiotic bag of bones Michael K. likes to call Fishsticks.

Can't blame Madonna for hedging her bets. She's 50 years old and he's a newly single 33-year-old man with an exaggerated sense of self-importance. If she doesn't keep him on a short leash he could end up sampling the junior menu.