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The Lohan Chronicles: Lindsay Has Not Been Chaste In Rehab. Small Appliances Have Gone Missing. 28.Jun.2007

OK, all the vibrating food mixers and floor buffers have been returned but Howie Day is still MIA.

On her daily fitness excursionLindsay Lohan has extended her stay at Promises, and will ease out of inpatient treatment gradually. That she even chose to do so is one of the most encouraging signs yet that she's serious about getting clean. Of course she may just be hiding from her parents, too.

Lindsay's parents are still duking it out in court and in the press, and both are guilty of dragging Lindsay's name into it every chance they get. With Dina's standard comment, "she's doing great, just great," muttered through clenched teeth (read: no more free ride for me) and Michael's recent revelation that Lindsay told him she was "just like" him, Lindsay would do well to stay as far away as possible from the whole sordid mess. And what about Ali and Cody, the two younger kids?

Even more than the drink or drugs, Lindsay has manifested the dysfunction of her family life through her promiscuity, and that behavior apparently hasn't changed. She's happy in rehab because she's got a special someone in there, someone she was caught in a compromising situation with. She was reprimanded, but that means little or nothing to our girl Firecrotch. Lindsay wants us to believe she's changed her ways and works out every day because she's stable now? Not - she's got the hots for her personal trainer. Look at that little tummy she's grown. That's comfort food ... and comfort. Godspeed, Lindsay.