Pretending to be EvaRandy and Simon are probably rolling on the floor. They know who Ryan wants to be with ... and it's not Paris. Or Eva. Or even Teri. Simon thought he'd bust his spleen over that one. He still crosses his legs when he coughs, just in case.
Despite the guys' ribbing, Ryan chooses to focus on building his entertainment empire, one abysmal reality show at a time. Remember, this is the guy who brought us such gems as Denise Richards in It's Complicated and the Kardashian heifers. For now, he's content with keeping his love life tucked away. Like in a closet.
He does try to act like a normal, red-blooded American male, though. In a recent interview with Ellen DeGeneres Ryan claimed that Eva Mendez is his dream woman. Most gracious host and comic veteran Ellen somehow managed to keep a straight face, even though she offered to fix him up with the sultry transcontinental sex enthusiast. Until that day, Ryan has to make do with new business partner Paris Hilton as they team up to create a new reality show. He must be running out of ideas. Next week he'll announce his new show on the life of the scooter Chihuahuas. I wonder if they're survivors of Wonky's infamous closet.