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Lindsay Lohan, Media Mogul: Seeking Funding For Multiple Lines After Truth Comes Out About Sevin Nyne 10.Jul.2009

OK, now take off your clothesOtherwise known as "What to do when no one will hire you" or "How to support your drug habit in three easy steps". It must suck to be washed up at the advanced age of 23.

The 6126 leggings thing won't last. They suck and they're ridiculously overpriced. That movie she's supposed to start filming in October? It'll be a miracle if that happens. She's box office poison; even if they can get her insured, her name will scare investors away.

Her other little cash cow, Sevin Nyne, Orange Tang for the skin, is now in danger of being snatched away - by its rightful owner, some say. What's an aging club skank to do? As I've said before, Adderall doesn't grow on trees.

It's simple. Lindsay is going to become one of those creepy producers, you know, the kind that ply innocent youngsters with drugs and alcohol and wreck their lives. OK, maybe that's a bit harsh, but you know she's incapable of turning out quality product, whether it's in print or onscreen. She's got better things to do with her time, like stalking Sam, staying out all night, freaking on bad meth ... you get the picture. If she can't work on someone else's show without creating a problem, what do you think will happen when she's calling the shots? Absolutely nothing, which lately is the story of Lindsay's life.