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Anorexic Katie Holmes' Dark Knight: Doing Everything To Repel Little Man Cruise And His Elevator Shoes 21.Jul.2008

She is screaming insideI mean, c'mon. Pretty soon her hair will be shorter than his. Forget the Posh bob; she might as well get her head buzzed like Becks. Then again, that might get him all hot and bothered. Becks is much more his true type.

Contemplating a conversion to Scientology? Take a good look at what Mrs. Cruise looks like today. She's gaunt, dazed, haggard ... a shell of the pretty young girl she used to be. She looks like she's pushing 40. Uphill. With square wheels.

Now that the role she passed up in The Dark Knight made last weekend the best box office weekend in history, Katie's gotta be feeling pretty low. Her husband's career is in the shitter, and it looks like he's dragging hers along, too. And just who does he think is going to bring in the barley now? Suri can't even read yet; it'll be a while before she can carry the family load. Until then, the family has pinned their hopes on Katie's upcoming Broadway gig. You know, the one that isn't selling out the way they hoped. I hope the church is paying them a finder's fee when they reel in big fish like the Smiths.