I need to work on my serveThis ain't nothin'. Y'all should see my backhand.
Oh, Britney. I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just going to come out with it: You need to put some clothes on. You simply do not have the figure to wear trailer curtains as a halter anymore. It was cute when you were 17 and four sizes smaller. Now you just look bloated and stupid. Really.
Britney continues her slide down the slippery slope of mental illness this week by extending her stay at the Four Seasons, where her kids can bathe nude in the fountain and room service brings her booze on the sly.
So where will Britney lay her head? Both of her houses are now up for sale, one of which she fully decorated and furnished, but never lived in. Between all of her houses, her parasite ex-husband and friends, it's a miracle Britney has any money left.
x17 Online is claiming they're going to drop Britney's new single next week. For her sake, I hope it's a monster. Poor girl needs to catch a break.
As if all this wasn't excitement enough, sources are reporting that Britney has a stalker, and perhaps it was that individual who called Child Protective Services on Britney, not Kevin or her mother. Oh, sure. I believe that one, too. What I do know is that Britney hit the clubs again this weekend, and she's back to wearing sunglasses at night, y'all. Expect a public meltdown any day now.