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While Britney's Out Of Town, Paula Abdul Will Happily Fill In. She Wrote The Book On Batshit Crazy 10.Jan.2008

Straight up - what's next for PaulaBritney may be speaking in phony British accents, but at least she has the decency to keep names out of it. Paula Abdul has neither sense nor decency, apparently, and totally lost her boarding pass to reality this past weekend at LAX (the airport, not the club).

A witness tells Radar Online, "She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in this deep, rage-filled Poltergeist voice. She kept screaming three names over and over? Michael, Sidney, and Leslie. Everyone was staring at her, but she didn't care."

Um, OK. I think I understand. Michael is her morning pill, Sidney is the noontime tranq, and the Leslie pill helps her come down in time for dinner. It all makes perfect sense. Paula had already checked her bags when she realized she swallowed Michael but forgot to gobble down a quick Sidney before her flight. Or maybe she got Michael and Leslie mixed up and hasn't slept for a week. Maybe Britney's parents can abduct her, too and get a two-for-one special at the loony bin this week.