It's getting dark. May I please have my clothes back? Awww, poor Jess. She had to have known her days with John were numbered after the Costume Institute Gala fiasco (tacky dress, wrong limo). But she's not getting any younger. Her career is going nowhere. Ashlee is now considered the hotter Simpson, and Papa Joe is out trolling for new clients.
At least she had her little thing with John to look forward to for a while. She dyed her hair brunette and toned down her look to suit his style. She went on tour with him, and stayed out of the clubs. All for naught, apparently.
Cracks began to appear in the veneer that was John and Jess about a month ago, when Jess hit the party circuit again, pupils dilated and massive boobs exposed. Then her hair went from a very flattering brunette to Ken Paves pumpkin orange. Her skin has kept its spray tan orange, and her physique continues to intimidate smaller life forms. She looks more like a transvestite than ever.
Come back with my dog, you bastard! And now it looks like it's back to the drawing board again. I bet her Newlywed days never seemed so far away.