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Unable To Get A Ring From Tony, Jessica Resorts To Violence, Snapping His Pinky Like A Q-tip 19.Oct.2008

Next time it's your wankerDon't let that sweet smile fool you. Any girl who can bite the pillow like that is capable of inflicting serious injury. John Mayer doesn't know how lucky he is not to be missing a few digits.

While Tony Romo is surprising all the naysayers by hanging in there beyond all odds and rational thought, he's now on the sidelines for four weeks. They can say he broke that pinky during the last game, but we all know Jess flipped out because he wouldn't take her to Neiman Marcus. She's not a woman accustomed to being ignored for a stupid game, and the webcam sex is just getting old. At a recent show, Jess gushed about the love they share and dedicated one of her songs to a great guy who can really toss the pigskin ... or something like that. The Romo sat quietly in his seat, grinning ear-to-ear while bopping along to her country ditties. He doesn't want her to get all Misery on him again.

Don't believe it? When was the last time you saw Daisy? She's been close to non-existent lately. Has Tony packed her off to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm for a little obedience training? Has she been abducted by the Wonk and stuffed into a closet, forgotten and hungry? Or is she working for Papa Joe now, fetching his slippers and pre-chewing his food for him? Someone has to rescue her and restore her to her rightful place before Jess moves on to larger joints.