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The Lohan Chronicles: Gollum Gave Her The Boot, But Not Before Giving Her A Cake 15.Apr.2009

Brings new meaning to "cut the cake", doesn't it? Too bad she couldn't make it past the frosting. Not that she would have actually eaten it; she doesn't look to have eaten a solid bite of food in months. Some speculate Lindsay's on a liquid diet, but we all know she prefers powder.

Of course everyone knows it's not nice to wave contraband (even pretend) under a junkie's nose, and if she's anything, Lindsay is a stone cold junkie. That whole Funny or Die eHarmony thing might have actually been funny if she didn't look so played out. A few months ago she looked 40; now she's pushing 45 and degrading faster and faster each day. By June she'll be saying she wants to star in a remake of Cocoon.

Since being evicted from her gnome-like lady boy's house, Lindsay has been back at the Chateau Marmont, where she and her coke whore mother can order room service drinks and avoid that whole carding Ali mess again. She's got the fake bake, the fake boobs, the trashy wardrobe ... by September she'll be ready to belly up to the bar, just like big sis, and Mom can carefully supervise her, just like she did with Lindsay. Poor kid.