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Katie Price Isn't Missing Married Life At All 10.Jun.2009

I call this my Q-Tip phaseKatie Price is one of those wreckalicious British stars: Like an impending train crash, you know it's going to be awful but you just can't turn away. Katie actually could be a very beautiful girl, if she just lost the oompah loompah spray tan and about 20 pounds of sheer tit. It's breasticular mass, man. She could move buildings and shift the earth's axis with one wrong move. Easy, girl. Easy.

Katie and her creepy husband Peter Andre (equally tacky, equally orange and dubious in his heterosexuality) were only married about four years. Like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, they chose to live their lives in front of the cameras, but unlike Nick and Jess, they chose to disintegrate publicly.

There was gossip that Katie had a thing going on with her horse trainer, a handsome, also married man. One of the tabloids ran pictures of Katie and the horse whisperer knocking 'em back in a tavern, where she looked rather tipsy and extremely friendly. Those pictures were the last straw for Peter, who decided he'd had enough and filed for divorce. Now he's out of a job, but maybe he can get alimony from his much more successful wife. Like Jessica Simpson, Katie is quite the entrepreneur and makes a lot more money. There are children involved, too; I hope Mummy doesn't show up for visitation dressed like that.