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Heidi And Spencer's Fake Wedding Just Another Swipe At Beef Curtains 26.Nov.2008

Some elopement. I always thought elopements were top secret and done under the darkness of night, but nothing those two do is any kind of secret. Nor is it even remotely honest or sincere.

But they had to do something to top the Lauren-Justin Bobby storyline - Did Beefcurtains betray Dead Eyes by boffing her squid-brained squeeze? I dunno. No one's heard from Justin Bobby since the date in question, but no one's looking for him, either. For all we know he could be stranded somewhere out in the desert with Cash Warren. He could be living under Avril Lavigne's stairs. He could even be holed up in Devonshire with the broke-ass Jackson clan. Anything is possible, people.

Spencer and Heidi may have gone through the motions, pretending to take the plunge in a desperate attempt to knock Lauren out of the spotlight, but Heidi stalkers can rest assured: the ceremony was not legally binding. It was all filmed for the show, and Us Weekly even gave it some coverage (whores!), but there were no blood tests taken or license issued. It's all a farce.