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Hide The Bagels! Hide The Cheesecake! Hide The Knicks, The Jets & The Nets: The Kardashians Are Coming To Manhattan 06.Oct.2010

Snort snort pawIt'll be like the running of the bulls, all that man-hungry heifer on the hoof descending on the city that never sleeps. It's a brave new world for those big-boned gals from the left coast, a glistening metropolis just bursting with a brand new bunch of professional athletes they might not have slept with yet. I say might.

Today's Page Six brings the terrifying news that Kim "Show Me The Botox" and Khloe "Mash You Like A Grape, Puny Man" Kardashian are bringing their plastic fantastic asses to the Big Apple to open a store in Soho. But that's not all they'll do. Oh, no. According to Khloe, "I got being single out of my system . . . It's Kimmie's turn to have this wonderful experience . . . I can't think of two hotter bitches to be strutting around the streets of Manhattan . . . Get ready, New York!"

Indeed. Get ready, New York. Not a football player, basketball player, or swarthy parking valet is safe while the Kardashians are in town. The bagel stores and bakeries should see a big spike in business, though. Their new store might even create new jobs, which would be a plus. I think the only ones who'll really be hurt by the Kardashians' presence are the rest of the gold-diggers; I get the impression that Kim's coming east to bag another baller. I think she should find a nice investment banker and give up the players. They can run faster than her, and once their contract is up, they're useless.