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Run, Miley, Run! Xenu Recruiting Drive Has Travolta Looking To Duet With Myspace Goddess 27.May.2008

I liked my old teethAnd I mean that in the cleanest, most wholesome way. Besides, everyone knows that Johnny is more of a bath house kinda guy.

But John is first and foremost a big muckymuck at the church of the barley milk formula, and he's desperate to land a big fish in the recruitment drive. Little Tommy Cruise got Will Smith to drink the barley milk and now he's a perfect drone, all big, blank eyes and carefully modulated statements. John needs to play catch-up, and he's after the biggest Disney star in decades: precocious Miley Cyrus, who likes to unwind after a long day of earning Daddy's money by stripping down in front of a camera and making smoochy faces.

The barley milkers may think Miley is an easy target on account of her immense and sudden fame and budding sexuality. They've forgotten just one thing: Billy Ray, and he ain't lettin' his little cash kitten be led astray by a closet queen with a bad rug. Travolta might be better off going after that saucy little exhibitionist who's a star in that other big franchise.